Sunday, August 16, 2015

The Best of Intentions.....

With the good messages of people needing help, guidance, and advice I have received messages I wish never got sent.  People don't mean to be offensive, and if they do that is what the block button is for, but sometimes things hurt.  

I am talking about the people who want to know how to fix, or prevent, their kid from getting autism.  Yes.... this exists, and more than you would believe.

"I don't want to take medicine while pregnant because I am afraid my kid will get autism." "We don't watch television because I am afraid my kid will get autism" "we don't vaccinate because I'm afraid my kid will get autism" ( I won't start a vaccine debate, and most of the people I know that don't do not have autism on the list of reasons why they don't).

Even people blaming themselves for a diagnosis can hurt.

"It's my fault because I had an epidural"  "It's my fault because I ate sushi while pregnant" "it's my fault because we eat gluten"

And the list could go on forever, and is just as ridiculous as it all sounds. 

A new study is released every 5 seconds(my study that never took place resulted this fact) that claims to know what causes autism, and so who could blame people for the worry.  And they read it on the internet so it must be true.

But it hurts.  And why does it hurt?  Because for people to be afraid of it there must be something wrong with it.  Something wrong with our kids who have the diagnosis.  And as a mom, he is perfect. 

One I recently started getting from a lot of well meaning people is if I worry about his future.  What mom doesn't?  Your kid does not have to be on the spectrum to elicit mom worry genes.  It's what we do best.  We do, unfortunately, have a little added worry.  And if these people are messaging me for answers I have none.  The same with his little sisters I don't know what they will grow into.  

I hope he can become a productive member of society.  I hope he can learn to drive a car and pass the driving exam.  I hope he will continue to excel at scholastic activities and graduate high school and college, if he should chose to go.  I hope that he makes deep, long-lasting friendships.  I don't only hope these things, but expect them.  I hold him just as high, maybe even a little higher, to standards of things I know he is capable of doing.  We may need to take extra time to achieve these goals, we may need extra help, but he will do these things.

And to the people so bent up on preventing autism, or curing it, there are worse things.  It is not a death sentence, it is not a limit on possibilities, it is not what defines you or your child, it is not a burden for the parents.

Part of autism awareness is helping shape the world to accept our quirky kids, not change them to fit in better.  Looking at the world differently doesn't make them wrong or less of a part of our world.  And in this family we celebrate differences.  Normal is just a dryer setting anyways.

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